A Client’s Guide to Preparing Mediation during Divorce
Divorce is never easy, but mediation offers a cost-effective way to reach a resolution with less conflict and stress. In Tennessee, spouses in a divorce action are generally required to participate in mediation, unless a circumstance exists under T.C.A. § 36-4-131 wherein a Court may waive mediation. Mediation gives both spouses an opportunity to work together to resolve key issues – such as custody arrangements and property division. To make the most out of the mediation, clients can take several steps to prepare effectively.
First, a client needs to understand that mediation is not about “winning” or convincing the mediator that you are right. Instead, a successful mediation involves flexibility and a willingness to find common ground. Understanding this mindset before mediation begins can help you stay calm and focused during your mediation.
Next, because your marital assets and debts will be divided during divorce, you should make a list of all assets and outstanding debts in your or your spouse’s name. Your marital assets will be divided equitably under Tennessee law, so you will need to ascertain a value for all assets and debts and begin gathering documents supporting each item’s value. For example, for the most accurate estimate of your home value, we often recommend a home appraisal. After a value for all assets and debts have been ascertained, if you believe any of your assets or debts are separate property instead of marital property, make a special note beside these items and talk to your attorney about whether these assets are truly separate property under Tennessee law.
In addition to gathering documentation relating to your assets and debts, you will also need to begin gathering documents relating to your and your spouse’s income. We often recommend gathering tax documents from the previous year and your pay stubs for the current year. These documents will help your attorney analyze whether you are an alimony candidate or if you are at risk for paying alimony.
If you have a child or children, one of your biggest concerns may be formulating a parenting plan that is in the best interest of your child(ren). Tennessee law favors equal parenting time between both parents. However, if you think an equal parenting plan could be detrimental to your child(ren), talk to your attorney about your concerns and your attorney will assist you in formulating the best parenting plan for you and your child(ren).
Once you’ve organized your financial and custodial information, make a list ranking what matters most to you in the mediation—from your highest to lowest priorities. This list can include something as simple as “I want the vase in the living room because it has sentimental value to me.” While you are making this list, it is important to remember that many of these decisions will have long-term effects. Therefore, you may want to consider how each proposal will impact you in a year, five years, or even ten years from now. After all items above have been completed, your attorney will likely schedule a mediation preparation meeting with you to walk through all your concerns and your highest and lowest priorities.
Finally, remember that mediation works best when both spouses are willing to listen and negotiate in good faith. You may not agree on everything, but respectful communication can save significant time, money, and stress compared to litigation.
